An apology letter from myself, to myself. ✖️
I miss you. I miss you, and I'm sorry. I've been absent for so many years, and yet here you are - forgiving, understanding, ready to welcome me in again. I never forgot about you, you know. I thought about you every day. I just got caught up. With life, with work, with friends and drugs, and anything else I could get caught up in.. to try and distract me, from you. None of it worked, I think you know that. I never forgot you, but I'm ashamed to admit I have been avoiding you. I saw you hurt. Yeah, I saw that. I saw you hurting, I saw you crying and asking for help, but I avoided that too. I am feeling guilty. I am feeling so guilty. I saw you reach out in so many ways, willing to truly forgive me, and so ready to work on us, but I avoided that too. I was too busy, or couldn't be bothered, or was too tired, or sad, or feeling sorry for myself to be there for you, and yet here you are, arms wide open, ready to forgive me with an open heart. How do you do that? I want to learn. I want to learn these things you had been speaking of for years, passionate to show and teach me, but I was too concerned with my selfish ways to even listen to what you had to say. I want you to know that I am listening now. I am here. I am present. I cannot reclaim the years we have lost, but I want to be here now. You are magical. Around you, I feel heard. I feel seen. I feel loved. To me, that sends magic through my veins. I will do my best to not do a disappearing act on you again. But if I am feeling scared, or hurt, or I'm wanting to leave, I ask of you to let me. Let me go and sort my own head out. I am still learning, and I am so grateful you have shown me the importance of forgiveness. I want you to know that I will always come back to you. I love you, and I am here now.